By Kyle Buchanan - Vulture
We've given you the thinking woman's guide to Fifty Shades of Grey, the "mommy porn" literary sensation that just sold to Hollywood for millions of dollars, but there is still one notable quirk we need to discuss.In the book, virginal Anastasia Steele is deflowered by the impossibly dashing, 27-year-old ginger billionaire Christian Grey, a sexual dominant who asks Anastasia to fill out an S&M contract a mere day after taking away her hy-hy. The contract stipulates that Anastasia must agree to "address him only as Sir [or] Mr. Grey," and reader, that's not gonna be easy: Anastasia (and author E.L. James) are positively obsessed with saying the full name "Christian Grey" at all times, a stylistic tic even more prevalent than the heroine's hilarious habit of blurting out, "Holy crap!"
Vulture has collected each and every time Christian Grey's full name is used in the novel; consider it a literary supercut that also works as a CliffsNotes guide to what exactly goes down in this S&M sensation. Which Christian Grey sentence about Christian Grey is your favorite? (Christian Grey.)
“Miss Kavanagh.” He extends a long-fingered hand to me once I’m upright. “I’m Christian Grey.”
No man has ever affected me the way Christian Grey has, and I cannot fathom why.
I’m glad I can make my shift as it gives me something to focus on that isn’t Christian Grey.
We talk no more of Christian Grey that evening, much to my relief.
Then, for some reason, I glance up ... and find myself locked in the bold gray gaze of Christian Grey who’s standing at the counter, staring at me intently.
Oh my. Christian Grey’s lost look.
When I glance up at Christian Grey, he’s watching us like a hawk, his gray eyes hooded and speculative, his mouth a hard impassive line.
“Er, Paul, this is Christian Grey. Mr. Grey, this is Paul Clayton."
“Wait up — not the Christian Grey? Of Grey Enterprises Holdings?”
“Kate, he’s just trying to be nice.” But even as I say the words, I know they’re not true — Christian Grey doesn’t do nice.
“So, how come you know Christian Grey?” Paul’s voice is unconvincingly nonchalant.
“Christian Grey in Clayton’s. Go figure,” Paul snorts, amazed.
“Christian Grey in Clayton’s. Go figure,” Paul snorts, amazed.
When she explains at reception that we’re here to photograph Christian Grey CEO, we are instantly upgraded to a suite.
Half an hour later, Christian Grey walks into our suite.
My heart slams into my mouth. A date? Christian Grey is asking me on a date.
Read them all at Vulture.
Read them all at Vulture.
“Christian Grey has asked me to go for coffee with him.”